Back at work after the summer break. It's always full on and very busy. On Monday night I slept very badly. I found it hard to wind down after a long day and was awake for hours in the night.
Tuesday was just as busy. Unfortunately I had to finally say yes to meeting a friend for her birthday. Not her actual birthday, that was a while back. She doesn't drink much and treats having a glass of wine with the excitement I probably did as a teenager.
So there it is. I didn't have the courage to say I wasn't drinking alcohol
as she would be shocked that this problem existed. Only homeless people on park benches suffer this fate! She would have felt very sorry for me and tell a lot of people I am not ready to tell what a bad way I must be in and how everyone should look after me. Her constant hushed tone concerns would not be helpful.
Why didn't I just say I wanted a non-alcohlic drink? I didn't want to disappoint her and, yes, I wanted one.
So I suppose I'm beginning again, but am optimistic although feel like a failure for caving at an early hurdle. This has redoubled my resolve, and put me on my guard!
On another matter, I have no idea why when I post comments they often appear twice. I promise I am not drunkenly hitting the send button!
I have found that my whole relationship with alcohol has changed. Even having tried it a couple of times again, I no longer want it as a part of my life. Keep trying, it will stick one day. I think the overall change in your life, even with a blip here or there, is what's important. To get away from that daily need. fyi, re comments I have found that if I totally close back out after making a blogger comment, then come back in, it doesn't duplicate. However, if I back to previous screen and then get out, it does. Only on blogspot stuff. Doesn't seem to happen when I comment on wordpress, etc.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to be too down on myself. I'm counting days but not aiming for a magic number as an end. The goal is sobriety and making it stick. I can already feel a change in my attitude. A sober life does not seem scary, but exciting. It's just going to take some hard work. I work hard in other areas of my life and make mistakes along the way, so this must be possible.
DeleteThanks for your support.
I'm not going to be too down on myself. I'm counting days but not aiming for a magic number as an end. The goal is sobriety and making it stick. I can already feel a change in my attitude. A sober life does not seem scary, but exciting. It's just going to take some hard work. I work hard in other areas of my life and make mistakes along the way, so this must be possible.
DeleteThanks for your support.
Dear MNW,
ReplyDeleteI know in order for me to get and stay sober, I had to be really brave and tell people.
Everyone has their own way of doing this, and you will find yours.
Some people say that they are taking a break, or on medication, or something.
I just was honest and said, I am not drinking anymore. I was drinking too much.
It worked best for me to tell them before we got to the restaurant so it wasn't awkward there!
xo
Wendy
Preparation is usually the key to success and I didn't prepare well. I'm not ready to talk about this yet with people close to me until I'm more confident with the whole process, but hey, I'm getting used to a global audience! Thanks for your support. Telling anyone is a big step forward for me and I take onboard what you say.
DeleteEVERYBODY starts again sometimes. So good for you for picking up again. I have in the past just said having a 'dry month' and that gives me a reason and an excuse without having to explain xx
ReplyDelete